Introduction

Welcome to the Great Triad. While I thought of requiring a $1000 initiation fee, I have decided to leave everything free for a while, in the interest of attracting adherents. If you have ever considered the possibility that Jesus just ran out of town to escape the authorities, uttered the forbidden yeyah, or deep fried the balls of the sacred cow, then you may just be interested in what I have to say. If you have even a semblance of faith in a traditional Godhead, please feel free to read on but lower your pretentious standards. It has always been my dream to piss off somebody bad enough that they ponder my assasination, but I'm not sure that at this advanced age, I have that much vitriol left in me. Anyway, let me intoduce you to the Great Triad, explain the role of the deities, and briefly expound upon the basic tenets of the faith.

The Great Triad consists of three main deities. In the ancient texts, they are only referred to as indecipherable, unpronounceable, and loosely translated 'just plain confusing'. In an effort to make it more palatable for Western adherents, I will henceforth refer to them as the Big Mamou, the Whole Shebang, and Komonawanaleia.

The Big Mamou is the god of randomness and chaos. He flits between the nothing and the everything, the unimagined and the unrealized. He is by far my favorite of the three. If you have any plans for surfing the space-time ripple, you should always have him at your side. When something bad happens at the wrong time, he is responsible. When something good happens at the wrong time look for his guidance as well. It is he who will determine whether this year's Biggest Loser victorette will use her vagina in the name of good or evil (On a similar note, he rules the flow of hormones in the menopausal realm). He is sort of the Higgs boson, the god particle, the goo through which possibilities pass on their journey from the ethereal to the earthly.

Komonawanaleia is the goddess of entropy. The more things change, the more she tries to maintain the status quo. She is the goddess of resistance. She does however possess great beauty and kindness, and is often depicted as Lauren Bacall, the most demure of them all. She provides a sense of place, a reassurance that all humans seem to require, a sense of permanence and a sense of well being. She is also the reason you would never buy a new car, or flat panel TV without telling your wife first. She can be very vengeful.

The Whole Shebang is the god/goddess of balance, sort of the divine superglue that holds it all together. The WS is the male-female, the yin and yang, the peanut butter and the jelly. The absence of WS influence in your life can obviously lead to turmoil. Lack of WS influence would clearly be the root cause of severe psychosis and most bipolar conditions as well as poor dental hygiene. However, and I can't stress this enough, it is necessary to push aside WS influence if you ever want to have any real fun.

The world according to the faith exists entirely in the key of D-flat, the natural key of wolves and whales, and perhaps all the natural world. While much of the worlds great music is written in other keys, this is clearly due to the varying influences of the Great Triad in the life of the writer/composer.

Lastly, I have declared the shinnery oak as the sacred tree of the Great Triad, in honor of a friend, a little weak in Mamou influence, but a friend worth having.

Recommendations for the inclusion of lesser deities is highly encouraged. However, I do reserve the right of veto