Monday, July 25, 2011

Holographic Reality

In the continuing tradition of the Great Triad, I would like to submit the following post without the slightest understanding of the subject, and without any further research that might help clarify my confusion. Nonetheless, it is conjectured by an eminent physicist (not Stephen's the other guy, who used to be a plumber) that reality is merely a holographic projection from an event horizon of some extremely distant black hole. This all stems, of course, from the universally accepted Law of the Conservation of Information. Since nothing that enters a black hole can ever be retrieved, it is believed that even three-dimensional information can be stored on the event horizon of a black hole, converted to a two-dimensional data byte which is embedded within the event horizon, thereby assuring that the information is conserved within that which we perceive to be our universe, which is actually a projection from said event horizon, and therefore, nor real at all, except to us, who are also projections from the same place, I think. This theory, of course, has enormous ramifications for homophobes (after all, if our reality is merely a projection of ancient information stored at a gazillion -year-old black hole, then logically homosexuality has existed for at least a gazillion years) and right-wing christians (hence, Jesus didn't die for our sins, he died a gazillion years ago when homosexuality already existed; might have been a fag himself---rest easy all you contradicted televangelists) alike. Now clearly, the universe created for these black holes as a massive storage device. It would appear however, that it forgot to create an effective spam filter. Now I can only guess how all this information congealed itself into this thing we call our universe, but I'm guessing gamma rays. By my logic, that makes gamma rays let's dispense with creationism and embrace the gamma ray (even though it has manifested as a deadly force in our hologram) as the god particle we spent billions of dollars to find with the Large Hadron collider. Enough said of the mechanism involved in the creation of the universe, and accept that finally we have a reasonable expectation of understanding reincarnation, and accept the blatantly obvious fact that we are all created equal in this illusory reality. But that really isn't the point of this post, is it?

No, the point of this post is to announce that, because I have accepted that our holographic reality is merely an illusory projection of ancient information, assembled into a chaotic data stream of conflicting bits, I have decided to secede from the human race, as, by definition, the human race is as illusory as reality. Just fly me to the moon, or to 4C +37.11, as a suspected binary black hole tandem, which must be the source of our universe, as its binary nature is the only thing that can explain why this universe is so fucked up. The data stream clearly needs some new logic gates. Perhaps logic gates that can discern between love, and slamming your newborn into a sidewalk, or maybe hanging an 8 year old boy.

Perhaps it is true that good cannot exist without evil, or that good and evil are really the same thing, but I have to believe that there are event horizons out there emitting clearer information...maybe even kinder information. Or maybe, if we look hard enough, we just might find that we have been provided the information to sort all this out. Until we do, however, I'm not coming back to humanity. I will become the stranger in a strange land. Or maybe I should just become a plumber.