Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Great and Unknown Roswell Conspiracy

Lest you believe already that I am some sort of alien abduction theory lunatic, I beg, reader, that you continue on. Most people have been led to believe that the cover-up in Roswell involved the wreckage of an alien craft and possibly surviving members of an alien race. Nothing could be further from the truth. If it isn't already abundantly clear that no one gives a rat's ass about extraterrestrials, let alone space exploration, then let me assure you that is the case. If the american, and global as well, imagination is to continue it's spiraling decline, there is no room for exploring the unexplored. Hell, they can't even make an original movie anymore, let alone have an original thought.

No, all that shit about spaceships was leaked to the public as a strictly diversionary tactic, designed to hide the most devious plot ever devised by the 'secret oligarchy' in America. In fact even now, most people are unaware of this devious plot.

I myself, only made the connection by accident. While perusing several websites regarding the history of plumbing trends in the US, an astonishing fact leapt off the screen, and sent me careening down an investigative path into the motives of america's ruling elite. It turns out that the Roswell news leak coincides directly with mandatory legislation in all 48 states that public toilet seats be horseshoe-shaped.

Research prior to, and during the second world war, conducted simultaneously by both axis and allied powers, revealed that the simple geometric shape, the circle provides 99.9% of humanity with its basic sense of security. This is evidenced by such things as the wedding rings, hula hoops and most arguments. It was reasoned by the SPTA (secret powers that are) that if they could alter humanity's basic sense of security, then humanity could be more easily controlled

After the introduction of the horseshoe-shaped toilet seat, outrage was prevalent throughout the world, but the reaction was surprisingly less violent than that immediately following the eradication of the overhead pullchain flush tank, which was partly blamed in the assasination of archduke Ferdinand. People grew in time to eventually like it. When a child forgot to lift the seat, the mess was not as copious. The feeling created by cold contact with porcelain made some men feel better about endowment issues. It allowed more room for 'tidying' up and digital manipulation. Men, women and children everywhere enjoyed the benefits. But most people failed to realize how this changed their outlook; the plan was sublime to the nth degree. What has followed, when viewed as a whole, is horrifying. As the general populace grew less and less creative, the SPTA continued to subliminally control their wants and desires, eventually deciding for them what they should and shouldn't enjoy. This culminated of course in the election of Georgie Jr, and the continuing success of American Idol.

On a more personal note, several incidents in my life spring to mind regarding the general decline of human intelligence. Several years ago, while helping a friend sell sweaters at the BigE, a farming sort of gentleman, tipping the scales at well over 400 pounds, asked me if we had a particular sweater in large (?). I quickly responded, " Sure,which arm are you going to wear it on"?, and he walked away.

And I am not immune either. A few years earlier, I was a stranded hitchhiker in Walsenburg, Co., and I decided that hopping a freight train, travelling at least 30MPH, while toting a 50 pound pack on my back, was a good idea. I did however manage to dodge the light post while being dragged along backwards, and the stones imbedded in my thighs were removed without resultant infection.

Stephen Hawking posited several days ago that unintelligent life is likely throughout the universe, but that intelligent life might be very rare. He also pointed out that some would question whether it has occurred on earth.

Big Brother Bob Emery was wrong. The grass is not greener in the other fellow's yard. Well, gotta run. Going to see Rocky V.


PENolan said...

Maybe I should be worried, but this entire conspiracy theory makes perfect sense.

Your biggest fan in blogland,

Anonymous said...

Of course it makes sense to you. YOU are my inspiration.