Sunday, September 28, 2008

A Tiny Red Leaf in a Wet Green Forest

Most often, it's the little things that bring us joy. While sitting on the back porch, I spied a tiny red leaf, all alone in an otherwise verdant landscape. It stood out, not so much because of its brilliance, but, more so, because of its willingness to race ahead of its brethren on its path towards resurrection. I studied it, dead on and from various perspectives, until I was satisfied that it wasn't an errant nest fragment, a piece of cardboard,or a strand of yarn, discarded by a frantic robin with a speed pass to Florida. I needed to know that it was a leaf, just a little red leaf, that had so captured my imagination. And I was grateful to the cigarette, and the cup of tea, that had carried me into my outside world. Without them, I may never have noticed it. I might never have paused to ponder its significance to me. It made me stop, and breathe, gather and collect, and wonder. It also reminded me of the movie The Red Balloon.

I don't really remember the whole movie, but I know it centered around a boy chasing a red balloon all around Paris. It's a real shame that as we grow older, we lose the desire to chase things just for the sake of chasing. I'll admit, it does seem a bit like folly, to chase something without knowing where it will lead you. But in this leaderless world in which we live, it seems like a worthwhile pastime. And let's face facts. If you really take the time to examine your life, you will find that your red balloon has led you to many unexpected places, both good and bad. You would think, that given the lifespan of Joe American, that we could figure out that planning is a futile endeavor. I mean, I can virtually guarantee you that minions of people dropped stone dead of heart attacks while reading of robber barons and bailouts over the past few weeks, and they all planned their lives, didn't they? (There is a distinct possibility of rampant stupidity having a prominent role here as well). I can also guarantee you that most of the robber barons have a couple, or three, extra millions in their soiled pockets.

I'm left to wonder why we leave so little time for being happy. My little red leaf told me the answer today. We have become a species obsessed of two things--wealth and rightness. For most of you, these are the same thing, but they are not; they are connected but not the same. I don't know why, but we have become a species intent on acquiring more than we need. We collectively amass more stuff than we will ever use. I don't begrudge some people having more than others, but I do resent all of you that take more than you need. And when did we collectively decide that "My way, or the highway" is the eleventh commandment? I was happy enough with ten, although that covet thing seems a little over the top.

No, good readers, in a world where no one is accountable, you can rest easy knowing that this is not your fault either. No, the blame rests solely on the shoulders of the biggest phony of em all--GOD.

If I was God, I never would have revealed myself. It's petty. If you're omnipotent enough to create the universe, you should be confident enough to quietly sit back and enjoy your accomplishments. Clearly, there is a little too much Donald Trump in God. A little too much self-evangelizing. And I surely would have told you what to call me. Instead, he left us stuck with yahweh, buddha, mohammed, jesus (the pretender), rama, mbutu, whatever. God clearly suffers from schizophrenia of the highest order. From here on out, I will only refer to god by his actual name, Lou Smith. So somewhere along the way, we bought into the god thing faster than we realized that Clay Aiken was gay, and then we took that giant leap of faith--that if you know god, the true god, the real god, then you are righter than all the rest. We, as a species, were so afraid of what we didn't know that we latched on to the first creator that told the Jews to head to Canaan, and kill every man, woman and child along the way (In his defence, he did give us his only son, and let us crucify him) (Like god only has one son! If I was god I'd be fucking every babe in paradise). Then, of course, he put the all-seeing eye and 'In god we trust' on the dollar bill, and the rest is history--crusades, banana republics and WMDs.

So I'm looking at the little red leaf today, all the while pondering my purpose in life, and I realized that the only purpose any of us have is to be happy. We are all here to chase red balloons, across Paris, or Boston, or Timbuktu, or Bagdhad. If we only take what we need, then most times, there will be enough for everyone. And plenty of time for the pursuit of happiness. According to legend, god plopped us down in the garden of eden, stark naked, and left us to find our own way. If only we were really brave enough to handle that free will thing. Hurry, somebody, get me some helium. I don't care how much it costs!


P. E. Nolan said...

When you catch the balloon, it's fun to poke a hole in it and suck out the helium.

Then go find a rainbow or a windmill to chase while you're still talking funny. Embrace existentialism - there is no "god" per se, and there isn't a specific purpose either - so go ahead on and have as much fun as you can while you're here. Just leave your mark so if anyone in the future (or the aliens) ever looks, they can tell you existed.

It's like Auntie Mame tells Gooch: Live! Live!

Party on, Dudes, and be excellent to each other.

Anonymous said...

hello fallen angel sir it is jenna
i am sorry i left i was scared
i did a lot since he beat me mom too
porter is near me
i hope you saw i wrote about you
are you mad at me
he has called me
he said he loves me
i dont get how beatings and love go toether
can they sir
i got an answer from your red balloon
i am following one to arizona
i am safe with ally
i miss mom
i miss you


hi T

Fallen Angel said...

Hi jenna,

No, I am not mad at you. Why would I be?
There is no sense wondering whether love and beatings go together. You already know the answer.
Your mother and brother love you, and I'm glad things are better.
I have been paying attention.
I'm glad you escaped.
Now it's time for jenna to take care of jenna, and grow into the woman you want to become.
Take the autumn and winter to heal, then blossom in the spring.
You already know all your answers, jenna, but I'm happy you like to look for them here sometimes.
Welcome back

Gail said...

Hi F A

Well, I barely saw that tiny red leaf yesterday. It took three of you to direct my field of vision.
All the God references I will avoid for the most part. I have wrestled with one challenge : It was suggested that by believing in a God we often don't do all that we can to help another - saying "God will take care of it". I have to admit, in frustration or exhaustion there have been times I have stopped trying and found solace in the notion that God was taking over and thus relieving me of any further obligation. I have wondered how some things may have been different had I not been of that thinking. It was and is quite unsettling to decipher.

About the red balloon. I have one straight over head flying high. I have arrived here by it's direction following a long and difficult journey. Now, no further journey is required. Some times red balloons are fine right where they are.


Anonymous said...

hello fallen angel sir it is jenna
i want to say hello to gail and T too
it is not good on gails blog
i am scared to write there
is it okay with you if i say to them too here
i like what you wrote to me
i am happy you arent mad at me
i am glad i am good here
he came to allys
his name is garrett
i never told you now i did
he wanted to talk to me
ally said i wasnt there
he did not believe her he left
i read your words about surprises
i dont like surprises it is nice that you like them
i think in arizona i can start to like surprises like you
here still i think he will surprise me
it is the only surprise i can think of
i did escape i like you saying that
once gail wrote that he knows my routines
she is right i never know if he will find me
i will be safe for sure in arizona
why didnt mom marry you

surprise me