Boxing Day

I count myself among those who have no idea what Boxing Day is about, but it does appear to be the day gifts were given to the less fortunate members of society; sort of a gifting day from those who can to those that can't shop at Macy's or Williams Sonoma. But I simply cannot limit it to that, so today, I have decided to take the gloves off, as well.

We are indeed a very stupid species, and I will attempt to explain and bolster this contention. It may have beeen De Tocqueville who said, "those who learned nothing yesterday, will undoubtedly repeat the same mistakes as they did yesterday". It seems to me that, as a species, we have gone day after day making the same mistakes. I will offer a few noted examples of yesterday's lessons to illustrate my point.

Money is the root of all evil

As I'm sure you are aware, belief is the mortal enemy of all things worthwhile. Money is actually not the villain here. It is our blind belief in its use and value that is the source of all things bad. It was bad enough when money was backed by gold, but now we place our misguided faith in worthless, pretty paper, and multi-sized, metallic discs (made you might note from our most worthless metals). It is almost belly laugh funny that we have accepted these trinkets (no less worthless that the beads traded for Manhattan) as the ultimate goal. The fortunate among us work all year for 100,000+ pieces of paper, whose worth is determined by the people we work for; by the people who dictate the quality of our very existence. I'll trade you Baltic Ave for Boardwalk if you can tell me how this makes any sense. That we assign arbitrary value to the costs of anything is ludicrous. The stuff it's made of was already here; we simply have to put it together. And the notion of scarcity as the driving force of value is almost schizophrenic. Anyone whose been to western Oregon can tell you that there is no scarcity of land in the US, yet you can easily shell out a million scraps of paper for shelter, which should be a basic human right. It should be ok... if I want to build a log home on the median strip of Route 128. Where does the 'Commonwealth' of Massachusetts get off telling me that they own that land. But I digress. Let's look at money for a few minutes. We sold the 'messiah' for a few bucks, yet given the scarcity of messiahs, he should have been worth a lot more. In strictly monetary terms, you average slave from west Africa was worth a whole lot more than the son of god. Shit, we fought a war over their 'value'. And automobiles amuse me as well. We are going to run out of gas sometime. And don't bring up the Prius, or the Volt. They still need oil, or the motors seize. Yet many of us will still spend the equivalent of the GNP of many of the world's countries on something that will be obsolete in this century. We have always taught our children to defer their gratification. Unfortunately, we are not setting the best example. So I will ask...why is it that we adopted such a ridiculous economic model, while maintaining that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few? While most of you don't share my belief that we should dismantle all governments, perhaps you would consider this. Make government service volunteer. I mean, it's good enough for the kids we send off to die in useless wars (unless you consider the acquisition of more money a noble cause). Let's simply start over...and make shelter, food and medical care fundamental and cost-free human rights...world fucking wide. Let's throw heat and electricity in there as well. Guarantee each and every human being a standard of housing with land... a healthy needed-caloric-intake-level diet...the most advanced medical care. There need not be any monetary outlay. Take only what we need from the earth, and leave the earth what she needs. Yes, we have to chip in some labor, but we needn't assign any monetary value to it. We could simply say that it was the right and kind thing to do.

Look at it a different way. We are running out of things to do. We don't make things anymore, and computers can take over what manufacturing we have left. We need doctors, although we could use a few more who give a shit about their patients, and care a little less about their Mercedes (and maybe a few who seek cures that don't kill you). How many could that add up to?And yes we need software engineers, and trash collectors. And that's it. If we get rid of government, we get rid of lawyers, soldiers, spies. We get rid of religion, we get rid of differences. We get rid of countries, we get rid of boundaries. Most of us will be left to create what we can, create what we want. We might even find the happiness that seems elusive to all of us disconnected by trying to make more than the next guy.

Quantum mechanics, which most of us will never understand, leads logically and mathematically, to an phenomenon known as entanglement; where two particles, no matter how distantly removed, are connected across the multiverse. If such a thing exists, and it does, at the most fundamental level of our reality, then how can anyone deny that we are connected in even broader ways. It is simple construction. I, personally, know that this entanglement thing is the real deal, and I am a much happier pauper for it. Across the vast expanse, I learned that I have something of value to say...and should say it...even if everyone else thinks I'm a fool.

Happy Boxing Day everyone!

Eed...or the trouble with OWS

My oldest and dearest friend was often called Keed in our younger days, and since our bond hearkens to those days of rhymes and baseballs, it is with thoughts of him that I begin this post. I seldom tell him of my troubles because I don't believe he needs to be burdened with them, but I always remember his birthday. And while he has fallen prey to the Florida political mindset...a slow erosion due to time and family focus...I do love him, and do not begrudge him his float in the flow.

Which brings me to Occupy Wall Street...

While I am certain that I am going to paint them in incorrect colors (primarily because I don't know enough about them), and I am certain that their intentions are noble, their leap of awareness is clearly inadequate. That they embrace change within the current paradigm is, at least for me, the signpost of their downfall.

Those of you who follow my life understand that I am blessed to be a member of both 99s; the long term unemployed, and the have-nots. I am eternally grateful to those (my family, my friends; notably GB and PD, SL, DN, and the nun) who have generously sustained me with food, shelter and funds, and love. Yet, within my limited purview, I am compelled to view the root causes of humanity's woes as much larger than the currently demonized villains.

As evidenced by the pepper spraying of Walmart raiders, and the hindsight popularity of legislating that our political representatives be subject to the same investment rules as the rest of us, it should be clear to any right-minded human that the demise of capitalism should be at hand. Throwing a five dollar toy in a box does not absolve us of the guilt we should bear, for the gross and abject grEED we accept as the main necessity of living. Our economy is based entirely on offering the possibility of acquisition to the masses, while maintaining the actuality that only a small percentage acquire. We continue to insist that acquisition is the ultimate goal; acquisition of paper and coin that are as imaginary as judeo-christian principles. In a world where manufacturing and heavy industry are things of the past, we continue to believe that we can create new jobs within those sectors. If you really look at the basis of 'successful' national economies, you have to realize that they are based on creating the perception that we nEED things that we do not. Tell me. Whose need is greater...your child's need of an iPad for christmas, or a five year old African child's need for AIDS drugs that are actually effective? As a society, we offer token charity to groups in which we have, in the very least, a perceived, vested interest. We donate millions for the eradication of breast cancer because we suffer from it; we offer a pittance for the eradication of malaria because it does not occur here. Our generosity is based, at least in part, on the old adage-out of sight, out of mind (and heart). We have bought into (or perhaps, have been led like lemmings) the belief that what we produce (and hence is attainable) possesses some inherent value. We treat depression (as if on a global scale we have any right to be depressed) with for-huge-profit drugs whose main side effect is the onset of suicidal tendencies. Am I really the only one who sees the irony here? As long as we continue to perceive that we are depressed, despite only insignificant causes for our depression, we will produce anti-depression drugs that will result in profit and suicides. Americans no longer really believe that we are lucky to live in a country that offers freedom; we have become entitled. We continue to insist that our children die to protect our freedom. Our children die because we allow it. We allow the 1% to convince us, using exaggerated AND imaginary threats to the land of the free. The simple truth is that we are no longer really free, because our freedom is defined externally, by the 1% who do not really want us to think for ourselves. We have become a society that ignorantly, and blindly, believe what we are told to believe; and at the core, we believe that grEED is good.

Now I have always held that there are really no new ideas, but I am changing my mind. It is clear to me that as a species, it is time to move to an 'economy' that is based on the needs of the many. I am not advocating a communist approach, because communism has shown itself as merely another ideology that creates the same 1%. I am advocating, however, a communal approach, based on the needs of the many, actualized in small, direct-contact communities. This, of course, would require the dissolution of all nations and their governments. If nations and their governments have shown us anything, it is that the few cannot, or will not, do what is kind and right for the many; the many that they govern. There are reasons for this, primarily that humans cannot do big. Despite the popularity of facebook, and other social networks, actual connection is limited to small groups. No one, beyond people selling something, are friend-ed in large groups, and that only occurs because we foolishly believe that they have something we need. If the Senate, and the House of Representatives, have shown us anything, it is that small groups can take care of themselves.

So OWS. I like you, but it's time to bask in what you, as a small group, share. It's clear, that when you get right down to it, that you have nothing in 'common' with Goldman Sachs. Un-friend them today.

Ch...ch...ch...changes

Good morning, good reader. The nun says I've changed. She says I may be a better man, but I'm not the same man I was. This gave me pause to consider if it was true, as she has a way of seeing things that other people don't see...or at least seeing things from angles that other people don't possess. So I've been spending much of the morning (and I confess...a few sleepless hours) pondering how I may have been different when we first dove into our ocean, and sadly, after resisting and self-immolating, I do believe she is right.

Life changes us in ways we don't see, mostly because we spend so much time in places we haven't gotten to yet. We forget to spend time where we are, or, at the very least, ignore where we are and fixate on where we might be going, without having any idea where we might be going. One of the truest things I know about life is that it seldom allows us to hopscotch along without an occasional baseball bat to the head. These painful disruptions to the flow of our misguided perception of direction, lead us to believe that we actually can meticulously map out our own lives. This, of course, is pure piffle, and I do believe that I have lost sight of the gift life does allow us. I've stopped moving. I've let my body forget how to progress. Perhaps it is the discouragement and disappointment of being penniless...of wanting to do things for the Little Man that I can no longer do...or of wanting to create a life that I do not have the faith to create. I think it's a little bit of all of that, but the end result is that I am stultified...immobilized...petrified...and inert.

Life really only gives us one gift. A body in which to move towards our possibilities. Eyes to keep open... to see what might be there. Ears to listen... for their echoes. Touch...to gently caress their soft tender cheeks. Taste...to savor their wonder. Smell...to perceive the pending blossom. And within that body lies the greatest of the parts...the heart and the brain. I have said it before, but failure to integrate those two organs is the source of unhappiness.

Life really only has one purpose, and that is to create. The power of the heart and mind lies in the ability to intuit the pending, and to create new from the unknown. With much regret, I realized today that I had forgotten that. And so today...right in this very moment...I can announce the end and the beginning of my life. I will be whole. I will move. It is destined that I create my own happiness. I am happy.

IRAs

Yes, dear friend. I have been away for a while, but, prodded by the events of yesterday, I feel compelled to share.

It is remarkable to me how unusual connections appear at seemingly ridiculous moments. I was just sitting at South Station yesterday, having returned from Oregon, simply waiting for my train, when I was approached by two surveyors who wanted my opinion of our attitudes regarding planning for retirement. The odds of asking a homeless guy this question are phantasmagorical. Yet, I was gracious, and perhaps a bit profound (two other complete strangers approached to let me know that they agreed with everything I had said), and given that I was feeling rather sad, the optimistic nature of my answers surprised me. It also led me to offer some of it here.

There is nothing new in anything I had to say. I let them know that my basic belief is that greed is what rules the world, yet we all have a choice not to be greedy. And, as I had been sitting there simply watching the dour looks on peoples faces, I began to understand why, at least viscerally. People are simply scared shitless. And we all suffer from the same unfounded phobias; that you will arrive at old age with nowhere to go preeminent among them.

For the most part, old people are cast away in America. Gone are the days of respect for your elders, and respect for their acquired knowledge. And given how stupid most of them really are, this is somewhat justifiable. Let me explain.

Greed is simply fueled by fear, and fear itself is our greatest motivator. This of course is why the 'christian' majority in this country does not actually heed the words of Jesus H; specifically regarding our duty to care for those who have less or nothing. Fuck 'em is the synonym for laissez faire christianity, unless of course, the poverty stricken heathens convert. Be like me...or I won't help you!

Now, going back to my pollsters. I do believe that I delighted them, but I wish they had approached me after I watched Brian Williams piece on fixing education in this country. While educational advocates proffered the idea of doubling the starting salary of all teachers, out pols in Washington went straight to the party line of cutting costs. Of course, nether are correct, but the true sin here lies with the old fucks who run this country. Given the projections for job security, oil reserves, and Wall Street protests, these dinosaurs happily reside in the belief that what was education for them is good for the thieves of tomorrow. And that might very well be true, but, what of the rest. Given the specialization and specificity of our current educational model, we will either wind up with too many people studying the biological makeup of tree frog scat, or a population of very stupid people with self worth issues.

It is time to offer our children the benefit of creative thinking again; to allow the 'out of nowhere' thinking of Isaac Newton, or Albert Einstein, or Descartes, or Michel de Montaigne to flourish in the minds of our children; to teach them to understand why math works so elegantly, why the top tier of physicists almost universally accept the spiritual connectivity of the universe, and why taking care of each other should be the dominant theme of our future path.

Somewhere, in everything I have ever written, lie the solutions to all our problems. Bringing creative thinking, and kindness, back into our approach would be a good start, settling into the connectivity which actually provides happiness wouldn't be bad either. But until we do, universally, we will continue to be driven by the fear, and greedy, self protection, that consumes our current attitudes.

Holographic Reality

In the continuing tradition of the Great Triad, I would like to submit the following post without the slightest understanding of the subject, and without any further research that might help clarify my confusion. Nonetheless, it is conjectured by an eminent physicist (not Stephen Hawking...it's the other guy, who used to be a plumber) that reality is merely a holographic projection from an event horizon of some extremely distant black hole. This all stems, of course, from the universally accepted Law of the Conservation of Information. Since nothing that enters a black hole can ever be retrieved, it is believed that even three-dimensional information can be stored on the event horizon of a black hole, converted to a two-dimensional data byte which is embedded within the event horizon, thereby assuring that the information is conserved within that which we perceive to be our universe, which is actually a projection from said event horizon, and therefore, nor real at all, except to us, who are also projections from the same place, I think. This theory, of course, has enormous ramifications for homophobes (after all, if our reality is merely a projection of ancient information stored at a gazillion -year-old black hole, then logically homosexuality has existed for at least a gazillion years) and right-wing christians (hence, Jesus didn't die for our sins, he died a gazillion years ago when homosexuality already existed; might have been a fag himself---rest easy all you contradicted televangelists) alike. Now clearly, the universe created for these black holes as a massive storage device. It would appear however, that it forgot to create an effective spam filter. Now I can only guess how all this information congealed itself into this thing we call our universe, but I'm guessing gamma rays. By my logic, that makes gamma rays god...so let's dispense with creationism and embrace the gamma ray (even though it has manifested as a deadly force in our hologram) as the god particle we spent billions of dollars to find with the Large Hadron collider. Enough said of the mechanism involved in the creation of the universe, and accept that finally we have a reasonable expectation of understanding reincarnation, and accept the blatantly obvious fact that we are all created equal in this illusory reality. But that really isn't the point of this post, is it?

No, the point of this post is to announce that, because I have accepted that our holographic reality is merely an illusory projection of ancient information, assembled into a chaotic data stream of conflicting bits, I have decided to secede from the human race, as, by definition, the human race is as illusory as reality. Just fly me to the moon, or to 4C +37.11, as a suspected binary black hole tandem, which must be the source of our universe, as its binary nature is the only thing that can explain why this universe is so fucked up. The data stream clearly needs some new logic gates. Perhaps logic gates that can discern between love, and slamming your newborn into a sidewalk, or maybe hanging an 8 year old boy.

Perhaps it is true that good cannot exist without evil, or that good and evil are really the same thing, but I have to believe that there are event horizons out there emitting clearer information...maybe even kinder information. Or maybe, if we look hard enough, we just might find that we have been provided the information to sort all this out. Until we do, however, I'm not coming back to humanity. I will become the stranger in a strange land. Or maybe I should just become a plumber.

Awakening

I awoke this morning. It was not the sun shining in my room. It was not the sound of birds singing, or squirrels chattering. It was not my lover's gentle stroke. No earthquake, no volcanic eruption, no tornadic winds. No, it was lawnmowers. And while I awoke rested and happy, I was possessed of an almost homicidal urge to rid the world of landscapers. And I asked myself..."where have we awakened to?"

There is no doubt that many of us have reached an epiphanic turn on the evolutionary path. The pyrate believes we sit on the cusp of a global awakening; nurtured by the mother spirit guide. The nun...well, she already evolved past my imaginings; evolved without a pretending bone in her body. Yet when I opened the Boston Globe to last Monday's editorial page, I was slapped in the kisser by a piece proclaiming that by losing touch with the equinox...the rhythms of sun and moon...we have lost touch with where we belong. Think perhaps it's time to go live with the Kombai.

Anyway, the point is that even a pseudo-liberal (albeit staunchly conservative on the grand spectrum) publication like the Globe...is willing to concede that we made a wrong turn, and are, in essence fucked up, and lost. Up the proverbial creek...not only without a paddle...but without water either. For our creeks and rivers are only fed by Dasani now, and regulated by the most deluded agency of all, the Army Corps of Engineers (Hello, Minot).

The creator made a huge mistake giving us the desire to learn and explore all the things we cannot understand, while omitting a crucial amino bond on the holy double helix. I think he simply forgot a sequence on the DNA ladder which might have allowed us to remember what we know at birth; that we are simply creatures gifted this beautiful planet, whether by grand design, or serendipity. The universal humility gene. Yeah, that's what's missing.

So here we sit...unaware that technology (especially the zero turn lawnmower) is killing us; separating us from the very blood of life...the gifts of nature. Our failure is the result of a fairly simple equation, and stems from out haughty belief that we know what better is. We have created this illusion that we call perception; we constantly seek to refine our knowledge of how this universe works, and as we specialize more and more, we come to believe that we are the masters. We are not. We are simply a piece of a grand puzzle...the piece of the jigsaw which fits as it was designed...its cocks and cunts dropped in the proper place. When we try to alter our shape...change our appendages and cavities...we make it impossible for all the other pieces to lay where they belong. We corrupt the synchronicity of life by trying to improve it. If you don't believe me, check the side effects of the medications you're taking, and look and see how many 'primitive' peoples are free of cancer and heart disease. Go outside and look at your SUV, and ask yourself if bigger is really better. In fact, ask yourself if easier is really better. Ask yourself why drug companies have invested so heavily in the rain forests. It is simply so they can profit from what the earth has already given us. Yes the natural world can kill us, but it can also save us, if we can begin to view it as a gift, rather than a source of profit. And try to understand, as the light of day only begins to fade at 8:30 or 9:00, in the wake of the summer solstice...that the earth works this way so that she may provide us with what we need to thrive. She gives it. We aren't supposed to steal it, or hoard it, or use it to divide and conquer.

Alas, perhaps it is too late. There are grey whales off the coast of Israel, deadly tornadoes in Massachusetts, and floods created by mankind in North Dakota, new strains of toxic e. coli in bean sprouts...not to mention people committing crimes to gain access to health care in prison. We have made the bed we lay in as a species. So, by all means, sate yourself with Dasani, and piss on the sheets.

As we know it

I've been meaning to post here for a bit; actually, since I woke up a few Sundays ago and the world was still here. As you know, the Great Triad has, on occasion, offered some disparaging remarks regarding that other trinity, but I would, at this time, like to emphasize that I have no problem with Jeezum Crow whatsoever; my problem rests solely with the morons who make him more than he is. "He's just a man...and I've loved so many men before..." On that note, let me just say that I wish the rapture had arrived, because then we would be rid of all those bible-thumping pea-brains. Shit, hell on earth would be much easier to take without them around. (Aside: I have found myself enraptured many times over the last several years, and I do believe the rapture, when it arrives, will be easily recognized for the vagina that it is. And the believers will be called to it as a bright light of joy in the sky...or in my mouth...or in my hands...). Which brings me to memorial day.

It was indeed instituted to honor the fallen killed during the Civil War. However, I am not ready to honor any dead people. If they were so good and smart, they wouldn't be dead. And that can be said of any soldier, although in the absence of cause or ideal, the notion of modern day valor seems specious at best. Don't really want to run on about how greed is the only modern ideal, so I'm not going to. We fight wars simply to enlarge or preserve. War boosts the economy. But if you want to look at it with a discerning eye for a minute, you will see that war has done nothing for mankind other than limit population growth. And before you start to think that I hate soldiers...STOP. I don't have anything but respect for soldiers, as I do for any other human being. It's you I can't stand. You know who you are. You're the guy who glorifies war...the guy who believes that fighting for a glorious cause is noble. The fucking idiot who still believes his son died to protect his freedom. He didn't. Your son (or daughter) dies for the Shrub...or for Standard Oil or Smith Kline...and for their right, their freedom, to fuck you in the ass whenever and wherever they please...no lubrication.

So next year, why not try to live memorial day with memory, unclouded by the hype or spin or outright lie. Trust the way you remember that bullet flying past your ear, or your child's death. And try to remember that the fella or gal on the other side was feeling exactly the same way. And what did it get you...what did it get us...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Say it again... and again and again...........Cheeseburger anyone? Now that's heaven!

Hierarchy...Up and Down

There are very few very smart people on this planet. The standard bell curve should suffice, as an example, although I would paint the peak at an an enormously great altitude, as the vast majority of humans fall squarely dead center. So, it is really no small wonder that the single most attractive human trait for most people is greed. In smaller environments, this would not present much of a problem, but this planet is not comprised of micropopulations; we have historically tended to macrogroups i.e. countries, armies, monopolies etc...

Now, we can examine this from top to bottom, or bottom to top. It really makes no difference. The motivation of greed works equally well at either end of the spectrum; which is why most of the wealth in this country (world, too) is concentrated in a very small minority. It is also why we have an inordinate number of landscapers (apologies to any master gardeners). Whether we garner wealth by subjugating, or simply taking advantage of, the unclean masses, or by mowing lawns for a living, makes no fundamental difference. The simple fact remains, in the vast majority of cases, that either an ultra-greedy minority is using loopholes and deception to acquire and retain wealth, or an ultra-stupid minority is overcharging us to maintain our most ridiculous desires (read: green lawns). So the real question that arises is 'Why are most of us so easily duped?'. The answer is no less simple. People do not really like to belong to large groups. So whether we look at the migration to cities after the industrial revolution, or the lemming-like flow into the virtual reality of the internet, it can be clearly shown that we are moving in directions contrary to our nature. In the same vein, it can also be shown that religion is the mortal enemy of the human population. In short, as a species we are always striving toward a unity...a commonality...and therefore, we join groups, be it churches or countries, to find community. However, these megagroups also come with creeds and rules that only serve to further isolate us. I listened to a sermon the other day, the thrust of which was that belief is the mortal enemy of religion. I would take that a bit farther. Belief is the mortal enemy of our very existence . Please understand that I believe this holds true for the religious majors and all those transcendentals too. There are no differences in the rigidity of beliefs, no matter what they may be. By their very nature, all belief is conjecture and guesswork; no foundation in reality. And their sole result and purpose is to divide.

So anyway, the sermon continued to say that religion should be founded on finding our way to a loving life in the absence of belief. And this made sense to me, except for the details. Seems the guy who wrote it thinks that we need to discover what love is in this life, which of course is completely wrong. Love is the one gift life gives us at birth. It is the creeds and belief systems that narrow its embrace. We are born into love (at least in most instances...this of course does not contradict my BELIEF that most people shouldn't have children). Love is there from the moment of conception, waiting to surround each child as he/she emerges into the turmoil of life. Fact is, parents teach children not to love. They teach their children what they believe love should look like. Surprise, people...the infant already knows.

Which takes me back to large social structures. Nations fight to keep what's theirs. No other reason. There is beyond any doubt a thing called national greed. All nations, based on their economics, are cursed by it. And nothing removes the hope of paradise more than 'loving' life based on economic gain. The United States foments wars in the name of preserving their national ideals (read:money). The notion that we are a generous nation is refuted constantly by our willingness to kill people to preserve our wealth. Sure, we call it democracy, but its really murder for hire.

Churches do the same thing. The Catholic church is responsible for ruining or ending more lives than all nations combined. Certainly, in their 'come back' commercials, they try to stress the good things they've done. But their good comes wrapped in spreading their restrictive creed. Pick any other religion and you'll find similar results, except for the Buddhists who seem to think they can transcend their realities; transcend suffering by relinquishing desire. There is nothing wrong with desire. We have simply misdirected it, all in the name of belief. Perhaps each of us should spend a little time today realizing we know absolutely nothing, and that our beliefs are based on an inherent lack of knowledge. It seems ludicrous to base our beliefs on what we don't know. If that is most people's view of faith, then I want no part of it. I have my own kind of faith. While it is true that each of us may possess some narrow knowledge, like the mating habits of Brazilian tree frogs, the restricted nature of what we know should feed our humility, not our egos. The truth of the matter is that no matter how much we seek, the fundamental rule of the universe is that there are lots of things we are destined not to know.

When I was a much younger man, I had thoughts of seceding from the union. I still think it's a good idea, and I am considering forming a group of people to populate my new entity. But I'm simply having a hard time finding enough people to offer citizenship. Some are too stupid, some are too cruel, some are simply clueless, and most are simply willing to let life live them. So go on believing if you want, until you find that your life is empty, and your whole life has been a lie; a lie you've told yourself. The only belief that I choose to hold onto is that I don't know anything...and I'm happier for it.

Apolitical

Those of you who know me should realize that I am, for the most part, apolitical; at least in the sense that I stay away from politics. But...that being said...you should read James Carroll's piece in Monday's Boston Globe. Moving forward, if you do know me, then you know that I am always right...and way ahead of my time...and there is nothing in his article that I didn't state eloquently 20 or 30 years ago (except for some analytical shit about the Balkans). But he does use one interesting fact in support of his premise (which, by the way, is that in American foreign policy...talk is cheap, and might makes right, and not only is it an illusion, but it is wrong). Anyway, back to the fact. There are more personnel employed in a single US carrier group (and we have eleven of them) than there are in the entire diplomatic corps. Personally, this astounds me. I would have surmised that there must be more overvalued Harvard and Yale graduates than that; more men and women in blue blazers and plaid pants than in the entire US military. But there is a first time for everything. I guess in this supposition I was wrong. Also, the United States military expenditures are ten times that of our nearest competitor. Carroll is right. We are ruled by the military.

In an adjacent editorial, John Sununu contends that the press is overlooking the natural tragedy in Japan, and overemphasizing the nuclear disaster, in favor of the more fear mongering and newsworthy spectacle. And he may be right, except for the fact that the nuclear disaster in Japan is merely another example of people killing people (in the name of corporate profit). I can accept natural disasters. Nature is, despite our haughtiness, beyond our control. Killing other people is something we do, and is completely avoidable.

In a third article, somewhere else in the paper, it is illustrated that babies have an innate understanding of the laws of probabilities. Babies are born as natural quantum physicists, fully capable of intuiting the serendipity the universe throws our way. Yet we, as if we know anything, continue to believe that the best course of action is to educate their natural creativity and intuition right out of them. The sooner the better. Go read Orbiting the Giant Hairball.

Anyway, in some convoluted way, all three of these articles tie together in my mind. And I am left with a few clear thoughts (highly unusual for me). The first? That most people, in every country, never even imagine killing another person. Yet we, in America, insist on believing that if there is a problem elsewhere in the world, whether it is our 'business' or not, the best way to handle it is to blast em with military might. We don't negotiate with anyone. Second? It is time to revamp all public and private educational systems. What we know will in no way benefit our children, given the misunderstood world that is pending on their horizon. Computers are smarter than they are, and all the knowledge we possess now will be obsolete by the time we teach it to them. Third, and perhaps most important? That I would rather be creative and intuitive than credentialed and profitable. All our paradigms need to shift. We owe it to the future. We've already fully desecrated the past. And we all know it. Even Barack Obama.

Discovery

Homelessness isn't all it's cracked up to be, but it does offer opportunities to discover things that were previously unlikely. For instance, I discovered that I am reluctant to apologize for things that have nothing to do with me; except that I have inadvertently burdened someone close to me with a lifelong regret. The question that arose from the experience? Am I responsible for others' perceptions of my actions or inactions? The answer is yes...although I do need to be made aware of it. It would appear that somone else's dream was affected deeply by their perception that I didn't do the right thing. Honestly, it is my recollection that I did do the right thing, but perhaps, at age 15, I wasn't sure what the right thing was, or maybe, I didn't sufficiently offer a full explanation of my actions. Bottom line--I'm not sure--my long term memory is not detailed enough. Not sure my brain is.

But more importantly, I discovered that the State of Vermont finds it necessary to dye its public toilet water, at least in the rest areas on their highways. I found a great deal of comfort from their explanation, which I read while peeing. It read, and I paraphrase..."Why is the water in this toilet dyed?(a lovely deep blue, the color of glacial lakes fresh after the onset of spring thaw). It is to let you know that the water in this toilet is non-potable." Now I may not have a place to live, but due to the kindness of family and friend alike, I do at least have a roof over my head. And certainly, I have not been reduced to drinking water from toilets. In fact, I don't need to use toilet water for anything...cooking soft boiled eggs...washing up...brushing my teeth...and, even if I did, I do believe that I would seek out toilet water in warmer climes. Three feet of snow and single digit temperatures simply conflict with the act of drinking from commodes, at least in my humble opinion.

There are other benefits to being homeless. For instance, if it indeed is true that ejaculation saps the body and spirit of vital energy (the life force, so to speak), then clearly I am more energetically charged, as my access to both flesh and porn have been severely reduced. And, jeezum crow, the coffee has been much better, and I even learned how to brew it in a french press. All in all, things are ok.

So, as spring approaches, I do hope it brings you all refreshing moist and warm, and all the colors of blooms. It is the perfect time of year for starting fresh.

Some Overdue Musings

While walking into the library today, I noticed an elephant in a tree, and for whatever reason, perhaps because an elephant never forgets, I was reminded that I hadn't posted here in quite some time. There is a lot going on in the angel's life, and I feel like sputtering. So...let's leave aside for the moment my pending homelessness, and concentrate on what I have been learning. The most obvious, at least by my standards, is that my writing skills and imagination are unsurpassed. I hope, in the next few days, to be sending the first phase of my new novel to a few choice friends...just looking for a yea or nay...I would/would not be interested in reading more. Secondly, upon careful observation, I have learned that squirrels really don't do anything except run around and eat. Not a bad life. And I have also learned to be thankful...thankful from learning that I should be long dead when the singularity arrives circa 2045. Also, I have been reading the Alexandria Quartet, which has made me feel remarkably stupid but acutely aware of my own talents. I do wish I spoke another language. I do wish I had availed myself of the opportunities to live in a foreign country.

I am afraid for the life available to my children. We are so enamored of progress, and so afraid of what is present in any moment. We spend our lives in future drive when what we crave exists right now. Which also explains why wealthier people will buy anything, as long as it has the proper label attached. It also explains why I feel no need to justify anything I say.

Even though I have no philosophical bent towards organic foods, I am seriously considering woofing. It does seem to offer an opportunity to simply live life, and to live life simply...and perhaps find the hearts hidden in the flow...hopefully accompanied by some brain as well.

So, as the final half of my life flows on, I am going to dedicate myself to being the creative being that I am, in whatever circumstances present. Create for the sheer joy of it...to embrace life ineluctably...thank you, JJ...for the torment and the word. That's all, folks.

Ha Ha, fooled ya. Had to return, as in the very few moments that have passed, I learned something new. I learned that I have no objections to dogs shitting on the pavement. It's what they do. And, if you really think about it, that's all we have done, as a species, in the brief millennia of our existence. And for a change, I choose not to judge it...I choose to simply observe.

God.....Ha!

As I am often inspired by the nun's blithering, it should come as no surprise that I am writing this post. Her contention is that since there exists no boundary between any quanta in the universe (read:atom to atom, muon to muon, cheek to cheek), that there is an infinite connection between all things, and since all things are connected, everything is one, and no matter what you call it, it has to be god. So, according her, we are all, we are one, we are god. Piffle, I say. In my limited perception of the universe, there may be no boundary between anything, but since the rational distance between nucleus and orbiting electron is in the same range as earth to alpha centauri, this should prove once and for all, that the basic tenet and goal of the Great Triad (the acceptance and attainment of nothing) is confirmed. While electrons may collide and bosons simply appear, these events occur in vast empty spaces, vast voids. The majority of universal space is empty. It is the emptiness, this randomness of matter, that allows for the existence of everything we perceive as real. The farther down you go on the matter chain, the less there is to see. If you were to sit on the nucleus of a hydrogen atom, you wouldn't even be aware that any electrons existed. Too far away. You would be aware only of your current stoop, and a vast void. Perhaps the universe we 'see' is yet another quantum particle in a larger 'reality', a reality so far beyond the emptiness, that it is imperceptible. Of course, this only accounts for perception in three dimensions, but in that limited purview, the vastness of the nothing is bi-directional. As realities become larger and larger, telescopes and microscopes both shatter past the limits of capability. And I'm sorry, but even if we ever evolve to the point where we are using all of our brain, we will still only be permitted to perceive the emptiness that exists beyond vision, and we will never be able to understand it.

If you can follow my reasoning, and I'm not even certain that I can, it should be obvious that the most pervasive quality of everything is nothing. And this presents the most cogent argument for denying the existence of god, and further enhances the reasoning that caused us to create god in the first place. If god were to exist within the powers of our perception, then we would be allowed to do what we, as humans, do best...absolve ourselves of any culpability...in other words...DO NOTHING.

On the softer side of all this balderdash, of all this unprovable conjecture, are the simpler realities I choose to dwell in. She offers me thought, she tickles my laughter, she ignites my heart, explodes my containers, she paints my smiles, delights my appetites, and hears my listens, she hauls away my refuse, and softens my harsh...and the most remarkable thing of all...she actually does nothing; at least nothing to animate everything she does. I do all these things. It has nothing to do with her. She is simply the great white void that reveals all my masterpieces, and I pray, that offer her the same emptiness.

So, just to reiterate one last time, nothing begets everything, and I am a very lucky man to be floating in her vast empty spaces. I have nothing, and I bless myself.