Thursday, October 13, 2011

Good morning, good reader. The nun says I've changed. She says I may be a better man, but I'm not the same man I was. This gave me pause to consider if it was true, as she has a way of seeing things that other people don't see...or at least seeing things from angles that other people don't possess. So I've been spending much of the morning (and I confess...a few sleepless hours) pondering how I may have been different when we first dove into our ocean, and sadly, after resisting and self-immolating, I do believe she is right.

Life changes us in ways we don't see, mostly because we spend so much time in places we haven't gotten to yet. We forget to spend time where we are, or, at the very least, ignore where we are and fixate on where we might be going, without having any idea where we might be going. One of the truest things I know about life is that it seldom allows us to hopscotch along without an occasional baseball bat to the head. These painful disruptions to the flow of our misguided perception of direction, lead us to believe that we actually can meticulously map out our own lives. This, of course, is pure piffle, and I do believe that I have lost sight of the gift life does allow us. I've stopped moving. I've let my body forget how to progress. Perhaps it is the discouragement and disappointment of being penniless...of wanting to do things for the Little Man that I can no longer do...or of wanting to create a life that I do not have the faith to create. I think it's a little bit of all of that, but the end result is that I am stultified...immobilized...petrified...and inert.

Life really only gives us one gift. A body in which to move towards our possibilities. Eyes to keep open... to see what might be there. Ears to listen... for their echoes. gently caress their soft tender cheeks. savor their wonder. perceive the pending blossom. And within that body lies the greatest of the parts...the heart and the brain. I have said it before, but failure to integrate those two organs is the source of unhappiness.

Life really only has one purpose, and that is to create. The power of the heart and mind lies in the ability to intuit the pending, and to create new from the unknown. With much regret, I realized today that I had forgotten that. And so today...right in this very moment...I can announce the end and the beginning of my life. I will be whole. I will move. It is destined that I create my own happiness. I am happy.

1 comment:

Gail said...

nice post - well thought, humble, true. I understand in my own life, all too well what you have now realized you forgot - I create each day starting with the unknown - each day I adjust and move to what is, and in that I am happy, most days yes, I am happy. unless I am not and still I move
Love to you