Fare thee well

 I am deeply sad to report that last night the Great Triad lost one of its true devotees. On this day, I find within a deep desire that I could believe in God, because if there was ever a woman who held onto God more deeply, it would be my favorite (and only) sister-in-law, Gail. There have been several people in my life that have accused me of not knowing what love is, but, if I ever doubted my understanding of love, it could always be renewed in a phone call, or visit with her. I have known very few people in my life who embodied love…who embodied the pure love suggested in the Bible…but Gail was certainly the most profound. I would go so far as to trumpet to the entire world that she lived in light, that she lived in grace…that the grace of God dwelled easily and comfortably within her.

I know that she knew that I loved her. I know that she loved me. I am thankful that she was surrounded by all those she loved the most. I wish i could have made her laugh one last time. I wish I could have been there. And today, and only today, do I wish that there really was such a place as Heaven, because surely God would have pushed Jesus out of the way that she might sit next to him/her/whatever. She truly was the embodiment of the kind of love a Christian God would want all believers to embrace…to live by.

We had a deep kinship, despite the fact that I would argue with her regarding nearly everything she believed. To be fair, my contrariness with her only served to make her laugh. She had a wonderful laugh. It burst out of her like a giant surprise, and, my oh my, did I love those surprises. I may have done many good things in my life, but making her laugh was right at the top of my favorites list. She told me once that slapping, for her, was an act of affection…an act of love. It was the most wonderfully happy exchange we ever shared.

Her faith, religious and spiritual, made her the most courageous, hopeful woman I have known in my life. That she suffered with MS for so long was, in my mind, the most unfair thing ever. Yet despite all that she went through, she brought me back to loving my brother. I am worried about my brother, because I don’t know how he will survive without her. His love for her was as deep and devoted as any I have ever witnessed, and for that alone, I will love him as deeply and purely as I am capable of.

Today, I am filled with sadness but, I am grateful for every moment I spent with her. She shared with me things that I’m certain she shared with very few people, if anyone. And I cradled those shared things like great gifts. I have no idea why she trusted me as much as she did, but she did.

I will carry with me, for the rest of my life, the hope that she will say goodbye to me the way she always said goodbye…”see you tomorrow”.

And Gail, if you meet God…say hello for me.

Things I know

 Many of you will recall that I aspire to knowing nothing at all, and you may call me out for what I am about to write, but frankly, I don’t give even a little shit! That being said, here I go!

Business, especially big business, never looks beyond its own bottom line. Business, especially big business, pays off politicians to achieve one solitary goal…to increase their profits. Yet we continue to believe that the government, our elected politicians, are acting to make our country better for everyone. I mean the sheer size of the bankrolls controlled by corporate PACs should indicate to everyone that the very rich are way richer than they admit

The essential truth about our own democracy is that its inherent foresight is equal to that of a slug, and that may be unfair to slugs. Our government does not know how to look forward because it is supported wholeheartedly by corporate entities trying to keep things the way that they have always been. Even the progressives are shortsighted. They strive to remedy the problems of the past, instead of seeking solutions for the future.

The United States has done many great things, but the great things are far outnumbered by the grievous acts our country has committed. For instance, they broken nearly every treaty written with those peoples who lived here long before the white man. We have betrayed nearly every population that has helped us in our numerous wars for profit. They abandoned the Hmong people of Cambodia, the Arabic people who served as translators in the most recent wars who were promised protection and emigration to the great ol’ USA. We have stolen the land and farms given to the freed slaves after the Civil War, despite their service to this country. And most grievous of all, we have failed to educate our children with an accurate historic portrayal of our nation. I never should have hit my sixth decade without knowledge of the Tulsa massacre, or the massacres that occurred in the North in cities like Chicago.

So, let me stop here by stating a few indisputable facts. Corporations are not people. They are economic entities, rife with legal loopholes designed to maintain profit and wealth, not mine or yours, but theirs.

The term ‘public service’ should be banned from the American lexicon. With due deference to lifelong, underfunded diplomats, and to dedicated government employees, there no longer exists anything resembling public service, nor anything akin to government ‘for the people’. We have become a country where political parties serve no other purpose than to obstruct each others’ agendas.

And while we are at it, we may as well stop considering ourselves civilized. Civilized people listen to each  other, and hold space for reasonable discourse.

There is only one path forward in my opinion. Our government needs to change course, and strive to make things more equitable for the next generation. And we should start by creating policy designed to improve the lives of those peoples we have fucked the hardest. So invest in Native American education, in education in general, to ensure that the next generation of black and native peoples have the same possibilities as white people. Fuck reparations! Just put their schools on the same playing field as white suburbia.

And while we’re at it, let’s tear down the projects, and replace them with homes not designed to keep people impoverished and clustered in shitholes.

Well, that’s enough about government and history. Let’s move on to the other things I know.

Women like sex just as much as men, providing its good sex. As an aside, they also suck just as much as men. While men do suck, most men are not inherently evil. They do not deserve to be treated with public disdain, should not be denied due process, should not be treated en masse as serial rapists. Those that are abusers, and rapists should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. But if a woman hurts her hand swinging a baseball bat at a man’s head, it is currently the man who gets hauled away to jail…gets issued a restraining order…which all leads to a ruined life. People argue, couples argue, always have. Loud is not synonymous with assault or abuse. Women are not always victims, although they are far too often. But even so, women can’t always have it both ways. They can’t want the same power as men, and play the weak sister on the other hand. Equality does not allow for imbalance.

The religious right, those self professed people of faith, are a pack of liars, who will all tell you that Jesus was a white man. Pretending that Jesus is white is the foundation of almost all racism. If God was gonna have a son, I’m thinking he would have considered rainbow colors. Jesus may have suffered for your sins, but I am suffering for your sins, the sins of hatred, the sin of not following the tenets of your purported faith. I’ve known more people of color who possess real faith, replete with love and kindness, than white people.

There may be other things I now, but they’re not on the tip of my tongue, so I’m gonna wind it down. So, I’m gonna leave you with a few adages.

There are only two kinds of people…the ones that like you, and the ones that don’t. Who gives a fuck about the ones that don’t?

I may be bitchy, but that doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole!

It’s high time we all found a lot more respect for each other. I promise, I will always listen, and consider your viewpoint.

Happiness

 My friend Paul believes that most people are happy. I contend that most people are miserable. This post will be an attempt to reconcile our conflicting viewpoints.

I used to believe that only old people were sad. I mean their friends are all dead, and they have no one to talk to. But this is not sadness, this is more like loneliness. But I digress.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then the face is the front of the house blown away by a tornado. Faces just show it all, strip it to the bone, and shine the go fuck yourself at everyone they encounter. Most people, at least here in the eastern US, bear the demeanor of the golem…that wrinkled and furrowed look of dripping clay, frazzled by the dearth of affection in their lives, and by unfulfilled dreams. They won’t look you in the eye, or engage in any manner, unless you surprise and stupefy them them with some unexpected kindness, like “Hi…how are you today”, or perhaps, a smile, if they look up long enough.

Now, I’m not saying that there are no happy people. I mean, stupid people can be happy, because they’re too stupid to know they’re stupid, but lately, the truly stupid have started to rejoice, believing that the Republicans have brought them out of the shadows by revealing to them the most ridiculous conspiracy theories purportedly designed to silence them. This is why they believe that their children have been abducted by aliens, or whored out in pizza shops in DC. The truth, unfortunately, is that their children want nothing to do with them.

But there are intelligent happy people, my friend Paul among them, but for many intelligent people, the happy has been driven out of them by their obsession with the nuances of bond yields, or the narrowness of studying vole populations in Wyoming. There is no human contact in Wyoming, and the most striking detail regarding the truly rich people I’ve met, is that they don’t have friends…they have partners and clients that they don’t really like at all.

But I am one of the lucky ones. I have been loved, and have loved, and I’ve spent most of my life trying to find within myself the unconditional love of a child. I’ve come very close, but I’m not there yet. They say its the journey not the destination. But I have discovered that love doesn’t stop…doesn’t die. I have loved many people in my life, and I still love them, and I carry that love within me. My father (and by that, I mean the man that raised me) gave me many gifts that have helped me throughout my life. His ridiculous high-pitched cackle of a giggle thought me that laughter really is a wonderful elixir. By fetching me, wherever I may have wandered off to, clad only in his underwear taught me that I needn’t give a fuck what other people think of me. Both my parents gave me a love of music, but my mom taught me to sing, and singing has brought me out of many a dark place. Somewhere along the way, blessed with laughter, song, and not giving a fuck, I came to embody that happy should be the norm, but that unabashed joy was the goal. 

Many people have shown me that goal, and let me share in it. Recently, several people have reminded me that learning new things, and writing, bring me a great deal of joy. Thank you. Maybe I can make this a constant in my life again. There is a song in my heart.

Whitewashed

 Those of you who may read my blog are likely to assume that this is some sort of nonsensical rant, but you may be wrong...not that it may be a rant, but rather that it will be nonsensical. Therefore, I would like to get the nonsense out of the way in this first paragraph. While on many occasions I have stated that white women are at the root of all human problems, this post will not be about that, nor will it be about the uselessness of millennials, nor will it be about the economic waste incurred by painting yellow stripes on any road in America.

No, this post will be an outline of what has brought western civilization to the brink of its demise. While it may not be specifically about racism, it will discuss its roots...and how those roots have shaped the moronic behavior of half of the American populace.

God is many different things to may different people, and I’m ok with that, but of all the things God may or not be, the one thing I am certain of, is that God is not white. No matter which piece of fiction is associated with your particular brand of religion, there is one thing you can be sure of. God was ‘born’ in the Middle East, and later, ‘reborn’ by the Romans. Abraham was born in the Middle East, as was Jesus, and Mohammed, and Moses, and King David, etc., ad infinitum. Now, just a brief description of Palestine in those days. It was a very diverse place, rife with all colors of people...Indians (no, moron, not the Apaches), Egyptians, Ethiopians, Phoenicians, Persians, all of whom were not white, and only god knows who was fucking who. So, Jesus could have been genetically diverse to say the least. So, then came along the council of Nicene, where the fucking Romans decide to pick and choose the right words and gospels that would best serve to homogenize and subjugate a diverse, and often rebellious populace. It is from this point forward that Jesus was portrayed as a white guy, and therefore, his father must be too. Now, to be sure, if I was any of the myriad of all powerful deities, I would most certainly be gender neutral, but that is a subject for another day.

A short time later, along came the Crusades, where white soldiers walked thousands of miles to slaughter the very people from which all western gods were born, all in the name of a very white God. This, of course, was the first western example of blatant and overt racism.

So, as you can see from this brief lecture on actual history, God (whichever one) is not white, and certainly not male.

So, let’s move ahead a few millennia, to the present day. After centuries of bad things being done in the name of a white god (including the birthing of these United States, the slaughter of native Americans, the enslavement of Africans, manifest destiny be damned), is it any small wonder that many white Americans believe that they belong to a superior race? Yes, dear readers, racism is the child of a ‘white God’.

So, over the past week or so, I have been pondering a question...What gripe do the white supremacists, the boogaloo boys, the proud boys, the conspiracy theorists have? I am certain they all believe something has been taken away from them, and I am certain that the Trump has offered them some unimaginable solace, or voice, but I can only deduce one logical conclusion...that the white way of life has been taken away, and that is unforgivable in the minds of the 80-90s (these numbers are IQ levels).

If I were not an atheist, I would pray for America, because making America great again is going to require taking the white out of religion...and perhaps embracing the good things written in every scripture.

Thanks for your time.